Mr Van Houten, I’m a good person, but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person but a good writer. I think we make a good team. I don’t want to ask you for any favours, but if you have the time, and from what I saw you have plenty, please fix this for me. It’s a eulogy for Hazel. She asked me to write one and I’m trying, I just, I could use a little flair. See the thing is, we all want to be remembered, but Hazel’s different. Hazel knows the truth. She didn’t want a million admirers, she just wanted one, and she got it. Maybe she wasn’t loved widely, but she was loved deeply. And isn’t that more than most of us get? When Hazel was sick, I knew I was dying, but I didn’t want to say so. She was in the ICU when I snuck in for ten minutes and I sat with her before I got caught. Her eyes were closed, her skin pale, but her hands were still her hands, still warm and her nails were painted this dark blue/black colour and I just held them and I willed myself to imagine a world without us, and what a worthless world that would be. She’s so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she’s smarter than you because you know she is. She’s funny without ever being mean. I love her. God, I love her, I’m so lucky to love her right now. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you do have a say in who hurts you. And I like my choices. I hope she likes hers. Okay Hazel Grace? Okay.
#she wants him to be so happy so badly #and he just can’t be #even though he has waited so long for this #this is heartbreaking #they both just look so so sad
#this moment #loooook #look at the way he holds her #the way his thumbs caress her shoulders gently #the way his chin rests lightly on her head #the way he has her softly pressed into his chest #imagine the warmth radiating between them #now look at how she snuggles up to him #trying to get as close as she possibly can #that little scoot she does #the way her hips move and grind slightly onto him #just enough friction passes #her hand on his torso #her ear pressed to the middle of his chest #and if she listens closely #she can hear the steady thump of his heart #the beat lulling her body into a textbook definition of the perfect moment